Everything is either black or white -

Weekend update.

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 22:31:07 GMT

Nothing hugely exciting this weekend. Ruby stayed at Richard's Mums on Friday night after we had been to a fun night at the park. (Fun for Children rather - bouncy castles, face painting etc.) and Richard and I went off to see Transformers at the cinema - A real romantic night out! There was a parade in the village and apparently Ruby had a ball meeting up with some of her friends and listening to the music. She's at that age where she's getting a bit more independence and although I sometimes find it a little tough to give her that extra freedom, it is doing her a lot of good.

Waking up slowly on Saturday was great and I didn't get up until just after ten. Richard had a driving lesson and once I got ready (Very, very slowly!) I went and had some lunch at his Mums before coming home to not very exciting house work. In the evening we had a barbeque and I decided that I couldn't go through a year of Wimbledon without a jug of Pimms - I made a lovely weak jug and enjoyed it over the evening - God I can't wait for a good night out with a good bit of drink involved! For anyone who struggles to get fruit into their child, Ruby enjoyed her own non alcoholic "pimms" and got through two apples, a stupid amount of strawberries and a third of a cucumber - Not bad at all!

Today we put together the cot and the room is looking pretty lovely. Suddenly all very real when the cot is there! Ruby helped sort things out and enjoyed deciding what the baby will wear home, on it's first day home......

Weekend catch up.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:20:13 GMT

Not really had a chance to catch up over the last few days. I've had a really good weekend so will just have to start at the beginning!

Friday: Had to go and make a presentation in front of lots of people and had managed to find something which fitted and looked smart, which was a bonus. Anyway just as everything starts quietening down my phone starts buzzing really loudly and after I could hear one of the senior management slagging off whoever it was. I didn't own up and it turned out it was my Mum who had just boarded the ferry to come over. I then couldn't get hold of her all day as she was travelling, which annoyed me a little as I wanted to check all was well.

Half way through someone else waffling on I decided I was thirsty and as I was surprisingly organised took out my bottle of lucozade. I started opening it slowly, which wasn't working, so decided the only thing to do was to open it quickly. Next thing it's exploded everywhere and I'm being tutted at from one side of the room and giggled at by the friends on the other side. I wish I was one of those people who could manage to hold it together for more than five minutes!!

Mum and her friend arrived around 8.30pm and once Ruby had got back from Girls brigade we enjoyed a really nice evening together. Oh and after me reassuring my Mum constantly that Northern Ireland is safe, we got stopped collecting Ruby by heavily armed police, which spooked her a little.

Saturday: Got up early and had a potter around with them. Drank endless cups of coffee and Mum signed her car over to me as a present, which was really good of her. Having the bigger car will make all the difference over the next few months. We wandered down to the little shops down the road, which sell over priced goodies but is a great place to lose an afternoon! Ruby had a party in the late afternoon so I dropped her off and then took them up to the airport. It was a shame to see them go so quickly but we're seeing each other at Easter so it isn't really too bad I guess.

Richard was out watching the football when I got back, so later on Ruby and I went and met him and his Mum in the evening to go out for dinner. Two of the local restaurants have merged together so we now have a Chinese/Indian which pleased Richard and served up some really scrummy food. The feel was really laid back and we didn't get back until pretty late. Will definitely be returning at some point.

Sunday: As they had gone home on the Saturday, it had really felt like I should of been at work, so that was a pretty nice feeling throughout the day. I was really lazy and didn't get dressed until mid afternoon. Watched the boat race and missed not being there. Richard is originally from Putney and I worked there for a few years and I think if we ever came into a few million that's where we would base ourselves.

Richard made us a roast dinner and we caught up on crap TV, so all in all Sunday was spent doing nothing really - We should do that more often!

Today: This might sound a bit sad but I've just booked tickets to go and see Simply Red in August - I've always wanted to see them live, so was a little over excited when I saw that they were coming to Belfast. We have seats in the sixth row, which should be pretty good I reckon.

Slow down.

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 09:48:20 GMT

If you were in Armagh on Saturday you may of caught a woman in the road, close to tears, having a bit of a breakdown!!! I had my first tutorial for one of my new courses and no matter what street I turned up, I could feel myself getting more and more lost. I sped up one of the side roads, over the speed bumps and heard a crash from the bottom of the car and then a metal banging on the road. I got out, concerned my new exhaust pipe was hanging off and saw a spare wheel lying under the car. I didn't even know there was one under there! Anyway got back in the car, still heard something dragging and ended up turning to the car behind me and mouthing "Please help me" to the guy behind me! The poor sod helped the mad woman and clipped whatever it was back in. I arrived to my tutorial late, covered in dirt, only to find everyone looking very proper - Great, I've made a good first impression.

Had quite a busy day yesterday and as I was providing training in the evening didn't get home until 10.00pm. This meant my breakfast, lunch and dinner consisted of five biscuits. Yum. Had to go to the college as well for a different course and for the first time in my life I'm actually going to a proper college. That doesn't sound quite right when I've taught in both colleges and secondary schools! All of my training was done through work or by distance and it felt quite odd being given my student card! It made me feel a bit old compared to everyone else around me. Richard said with my card though, I can apply for another type which will give me discounts on stuff, so think that's worth looking into.

Right, must keep going - got loads to do.......

What's the time?

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 09:06:23 GMT

Why do deliveries always give you a period of time they will be delivering and then come at a minute before the time is over??? I have two chest of drawers being delivered for Ruby's room and I messed up the delivery date. I've got to go out in half an hour and was hoping they would turn up nearer to the 7.00am time than the 12.00 end time. This is turning into a bit of a rant but when I tried to call them this morning to get it re arranged they said they have no information for the delivery company. As I haven't contacted them it means I then have to pay delivery costs again. This is annoying.........

I think we're booking up our holiday for next year this afternoon. We've decided to go back to Mexico in November (I know it's a long way off!) but we thought if we booked it up soon it will give us plenty of time to get it payed off. We're taking Richard's Mum with us which we have never done before but it's her 60th Birthday and I think the last time she went away was about 15 years ago so it should make it pretty special. I think Richard also has another reason for bringing her as it means we can have a couple of grown up nights out as she would be more than happy to look after Ruby. The only thing that's annoying me a bit is that as there are three adults we have to pay adult price for Ruby. Does that make me sound like a tight arse? I'm open to criticism!

I have a support session with my manager later and I worked really hard yesterday. I think it was because I felt a bit guilty for not doing very much while I was unwell. I went back to doing work at 11.00pm last night which is a bit stupid but did make me feel better as I have a lot of my to do list completed. Richard wasn't very impressed either!!

Right these people aren't coming, I've got to go.

Interview me.

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 09:08:27 GMT

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions of a very personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them 5 questions.

Questions provided by: Kemaiku.

1. What is your current situation like compared to what you thought it would be say five years ago?

Ok, my memory is very poor, so five years ago would of been 2003. Umm, that year was interesting. That year I was "happily" married and I had my daughter Ruby. It was probably then that I realised that I had settled for second best with my husband and was pretending to the World that I was coping with it all very well. Ruby was perfect to me and it was soon pretty obvious that the two of us would have to look after one another, without the role of "Daddy" filled. God, it feels pretty depressing looking back now. I really don't know what I was thinking at the time. I'm definitely more secure now and feel much more my own person, back then I allowed him to make the decisions and decide what our future held.

2. Are you happy, in general right now?

I think so. I like to think I'm a pretty positive person and on paper everything seems to be going well. I am also pretty aware that I've been a bit mean to Richard recently and I'm also aware that it's been since I got the divorce finalised from my ex husband. I think it's because I'm feeling a bit scared of what the future might hold and although we are good together I don't want to slip into the pattern of not making the most of each other and slipping into a routine. Because of me being mean it has left it slipping into this, so I really do need to sort this out. I think I need to start being a bit more honest with him as well, but I always struggle with what to say to him. Does that make sense? I'm not really sure if it does.

3. What cheers you up, no matter how bad you feel?

Good company, whether it's my daughter, my family or a friend. Being around people I care about and having good conversations always cheers me up. (This answer has made me think about the above - Why the hell are the two of us not talking like we used to!!!)

Oh and kettle crisps. They are pretty yummy and are definitely my comfort food!

And sunshine - you have to smile when the sun is shining!

4. Is there somewhere you'd like to visit someday, given the money and the chance?

I'd take a trip around the World. I would take Ruby with us and would probably try to do it over three months. I was pretty lucky when I was younger to do a lot of travelling with my Mother and it's certainly left a desire to see as much as I can and see how other cultures live. This year we had some good news as well, as due to reasons too long to go into, we weren't sure if we were able to go to America. Last month I spoke to the Embassy and we are ok to travel there. I'd really like to take a road trip across the Country and reckon we might do it in the next couple of years. I'm pretty excited about it and have already started planning!

5. Random question but what is your favourite day of the week?

Of course the weekend is always best without the stress of work but I love lazy Sunday afternoons and I like Fridays too. Friday always seems to be the day I de - clutter and get over excited about the weekend!

Blah.....

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:33:19 GMT

I really should be writing up an assignment at the moment but I think it's best to put it off until the last minute just to give myself a little more stress in my life!!

This week has been tough so far, I thought the odd sneeze on Sunday was nothing to worry about but since then my body has been aching and I have seemed to have caught the flu which has left me feeling like the elephant man. My glands are swollen and my whole face is aching - I really am the picture of beauty today!!! I'm going to get some more medicine later and I think TV in bed is a necessity. There really is nothing worse than being sick, I just hope the rest of the household don't catch it, as I have no sympathy to give!

I went for a meeting this morning (Well, really it was coffee and scones with a friend in an office but the boss doesn't need to know!) and it was nice to catch up. We spent the morning chatting about all sorts and I think at one point we may have even of mentioned work - I love those sorts of meetings. I then had to meet my manager in the neighbouring town and on the way back I felt like shit. I was pleased to find that every new road I turned down seemed to have a road block etc down it so it took nearly half hour more than it should have. Lucozade and a boost bar were the only thing for it!!!

I need to do my assignment, will post when I'm near human again.

*Added this evening after I watched the local news - Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about it taking me half hour longer.*

7000 chickens die in lorry blaze

Published Date: 24 September 2008

By Stanley Campbell

SEVEN thousand chickens have been killed after a fire broke out in a lorry near Magherafelt.

The blaze, which is believed to have started accidently, happened on the Moneymore Road early this morning.

Most of the chickens died in the fire, but some were so badly injured they had to be put down.

The USPCA's David Wilson said it was the largest loss of life among livestock in Northern Ireland for many years.

"The USPCA commends our colleagues in Northern Ireland Fire and Rescue Service for their efforts to contain the blaze and limit the losses."

Posting my answers.

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 11:44:51 GMT

You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it.
1. First Name: Fey
2. Age: 24
3. Location: Northern Ireland
5. Partner?: Yes - Richard.
6. Kids: One - Ruby.
7. Brothers/Sisters: Let's not go there. I used to have two half sisters but they're not part of my life anymore and haven't been for the last ten years.
8. Pets: Two dogs - Missy and Molly and Ruby has two birds now - Hercules and Jasmine.
9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
1. Settling into moving to a different Country - I still struggle with it sometimes.
2. Trying to find time to study.
3. Figuring out how to achieve the daily tasks of being a Mum.
4. Letting new people into my life and making time for my old friends.
10. Parents: My Mother and I are very close and I miss not being closer to her quite a bit at the moment. My Father died when I was about 13. It was very tough at the time but as they say time is a healer....
11. Who are some of your closest friends? My closest friend is Clare who I have known for about 10 years. Most of my friends are close though as although I think I'm quite social, I tend to only make time for the people I really care about.

Let's go to the top of the World.

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:47:46 GMT

Yet another boring week with far too much work to achieve. We had our team meeting on Tuesday and on the agenda was "Fund raising" for the organisation. Because it's the 25th anniversary next year they have planned a trek in Scotland up the Ben Nevis mountain. Anyway this was brought up and everyone put their name forward. That is EVERYONE apart from me. I sat there, quietly, like when I was back at school, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the room. This was finally acknowledged and the companies organiser stated it was nice to have everyone puttting themselves out for it - "Everyone, apart from Fey....." And yet still, I didn't say anything. I'm not really a trekking person but what has come has surprised me slightly. My manager giggled and asked me if I had any other shoes other than high heels, (I don't - apart from flip flops.) Richard also smiled and told me it's not the sort of thing he could see me doing (He's right it's not.) and one of my good friends at work who wasn't at the meeting and is also refusing to do it, quite openly laughed and just asked me why I had an issue with this, as I knew damn well it's not my sort of thing. (She also payed me a really nice compliment but I think what she was trying to say is I'm just ever so slightly high maintenance!!) In the old days I would of proved them wrong and shown that I could do it if I set my mind to it, but you know what - I don't think I can be arsed........

It was nice to catch up with everyone, as sometimes it's a bit lonely working from home. I also realised I was liked by my peers, when I went on a big rant about the change in telephone expenses and how now I wasn't receiving anything for my mobile calls and one of them shut me up and took over the conversation. Apparently I wasn't meant to be claiming for them before anyway - opps. Think I'll send her a quick email in a minute to say thanks.

As you can see, the focus this week has been work and how boring is that? I've managed to finally get half way through Danny Wallace's book "Friends like these." Which I'm now finding difficult to put down and has been a great way of me ignoring Richard's moaning about his job. (Not a very good girlfriend am I?) I also got an essay back yesterday from my tutor, which I'd really struggled with. Before writing it, I nearly phoned and told him I couldn't meet the dead line but I felt I was letting myself down if I did so struggled on. To my surprise I got the best mark I've got so far and I'm really chuffed with myself. It's definetly pushed me to get the next course sorted out.

Right - let's get going...........

The old statement "I'm never drinking again"................

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 09:05:00 GMT

So, Richard made a real effort to take me out and spoil me on Saturday night, only for me to get incredibly drunk and have to go home early. Oh well, there's always a next time I suppose. I used to be quite a big drinker but realised recently that if the shot glasses come out, it will probably be about half hour later that I'll want to go to bed. Getting older sucks!!!! Before we went out I was trying on lots of dresses and decided against one of them after Ruby told me it looked like the sort of dress someone would wear if they were teaching someone about the body. Needless to say, I think that dress will be staying in the cupboard for the rest of eternity!!!

Enjoyed a quiet day yesterday and spent the afternoon watching "Pirates of the Caribbean." I love Johnny Depp and made the most of chilling out and eating far too much comfort food.

I'm over to London mid October and asked one of my friends if she fancied a night out. It was only during the conversation that I realised the last time we went out without children, was three years ago. She's on her own with her little boy and it's pretty tough for her so I told her to decide what she fancied doing. She got back to me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to a show and book up a hotel after, so we could make the most of the evening. I'm kind of swaying as it will work out as £150 (Plus spending money.) and I'm not really sure if I can afford it. To get a black taxi back to my Mum's is only £30, so if we spilt it it's not very much at all, so I'm not really understanding the need for a hotel. Oh, I don't know what to do - I understand she doesn't want to wake up to the kids in the morning and because she's on her own it's very rare she gets the opportunity to be a "grown up" but I think it's a real waste of money. On the other hand we haven't been out for such a long time and I'm very aware she's in need of a good night out. Any advice?

Have our quarterly team meeting tomorrow and so far have nothing ready to take with me. Better get on with it.

Thankfully the day got better.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 09:27:01 GMT

So I wasn't in a good mood yesterday and I think I'm coming down with something as by yesterday evening I felt pretty sick and had that horrible feeling when you are freezing but sweating at the same time. I don't do poorly very well and get no sympathy, so I'm trying to work through it at the moment!! I decided to not do very much for the rest of the day and went up to bed at 9.00pm and watched lots of trash on the TV.

I'm pretty chuffed though as my Mum has told me she will give me the money to do my course which is really good news. If I can keep on track I can have my degree completed in about a year and a half, hopefully at that point I can then earn enough money to start giving her some of her money back!!

So the trash I watched last night was pretty much all on channel 4 and I decided against watching "The sex education show" as Ruby was still up and although we're pretty open in the house I thought that may be a bit too out there for a five year old!! We watched Nigella instead and I just don't get the fridge raiding at the end of it - I'm sure it's meant to be sexy but, no, I just don't get it. I then watched "The secret millionaire" and "Other people's breast milk" - I seriously need to get a life in the week!!! The last programme was something else, did anyone else watch it?

Was on facebook yesterday and again, as I have too much time on my hand, saw that my nephew is on there. Not that he'd know who I am as he hasn't seen me for about eight years. It's all a bit complicated but my Dad had two daughters before he met my Mum. There is about a ten year age difference between us but when I was young we were really close and I would spend a lot of my school holidays with them. When he died, it pretty much fucked all three of us up and one of them decided to take it out on my Mum, which I wasn't prepared to accept. It all got pretty messy and we all drifted apart until my Nan died two years later and it was all very unnatural kissing and making up for the sake of their memory - which of course didn't last. The last time I saw one of them was when I was still living in London and we bumped into each other in a shopping centre car park. (She asked me for change and didn't recognise me until I introduced myself by name!) It was the first time she saw Ruby and there was no exchange of any recognition of her. I got in the car that day and cried my eyes out, Ruby in the back of the car looking at me with big wide eyes with me like some sort of nutter telling my baby that that loveless woman was her auntie. (She couldn't talk yet and just continued to stare at her messed up Mummy!) Anyway that was the end of it. I wrote a letter once asking if we could keep in contact for the children's sake but there was never any response and it was weird yesterday seeing the little boy I knew all grown up and at high school. I don't think I'll get in touch, in my eyes I have no sisters and they obviously don't want me to have anything to do with there family. Just felt odd really. In some ways I'd love to get in touch..............

The radio announced this morning it could be the end of the World today, think I should start doing something a bit more exciting then!!!

Is it bed time yet???

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 09:03:59 GMT

I'm knackered. I've had to work a few evenings recently and it's so tiring. If I eat one more plastic sandwich in the car, I think I'm going to scream!! Work is blah, so I won't bore you but I just wanted to catch up with all the other stuff.

So, back to the lovely secret Richard's Mum decided to tell me about his Dad - I told him. Why is it whenever you have a secret suddenly everyone seems to be talking about that specific subject??? I'd been running a support group on Wednesday last week and they had decided to donate some of the groups money to the Leukema trust. Don't get me wrong, everyone has secrets but this one I just couldn't justify keeping. We were sitting in the kitchen after and to be honest I didn't really know how to deal with his reaction. He seemed pretty angry, which I expected, but it seemed to be with me, which I didn't!!! It's like anything though, I suppose you take it out on the people you can. He told me that it had been such a long time since his Dad told her, that it couldn't be relevant anymore and there wasn't anything he could do to change the relationship which he hadn't already tried. I did agree with the latter part but I went with all of it and like any big issue to do with him, it hasn't been discussed again since. So much for doing the right thing.

We had a good weekend and Ruby was out all day on Saturday at a friends, which we made the most of and we realised we need to do a bit more just the two of us. We've planned a night out on Saturday and I'm looking forward to getting dressed up and probably drinking a bit too much!!!

I received a letter from the university on Saturday telling me that due to my credit history they couldn't let me pay the costs over the year and I have to come up with £1200 by the end of next week in order to do the course. Two things pissed me off about this - firstly no way I can come up with the money, so won't be able to do it and secondly this is down to my ex husband using my name when we were together and leaving me with an obscene amount of debt when we were over, which I didn't know about until the bills started arriving. Isn't it great how he can swan around with his new car, flat etc and I can't even get a £1000 loan - URGH!! He actually phoned last night to talk to Ruby and I didn't take the call as I was teaching, got a lovely message asking why I ignore him, to pick up the phone....... So glad the divorce is finally through and I have no reason other than Ruby to deal with him. Oh and you know what else he gets all high and mighty that he can't get through and it's all my fault but he's meant to phone every Monday, that was the first time in three weeks he's bothered. (NEARLY END OF RANT - I PROMISE!!!!) Something else weird, the number that came up, I'm sure was an area code from the South. What the hell is he doing there??

Ok, not really sure where that came from, sorry!! I'm based at home today and I think a day's rest is required. Few bits to catch up on but thankfully nothing to serious. I bought some of those burgers from M&S which were on the advert (With gorgonzola in the middle.) so am already looking forward to a decent feed tonight. What's the time? 10.00am - great, today's going to be a long day!!!!

For "Andmydear."

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 08:48:46 GMT

1. If you could retroactively erase one TV show from the history of entertainment, which one would you choose?

I think it would have to be Big Brother. I was obsessed with the first few, but how many more times can you stick people in a house and expect anything else but fame hungry nutters? One of the contestants off of last year was an acquaintance from school and it was actually quite scary to see that some people just get worse with age. I'd also get rid of channel four news as the whole thing is just delivered in the most depressing and judgemental way.

2. Are you more like your mother or your father?

After my father died I was desperate to be like him, probably to keep his memory alive. In reality I'm just like my Mum. I come from a big family of mainly women and for any man entering the clan, it's quite an over whelming experience. I think it's part of the ageing process as well, realising your behaviour is just like your parents! To answer it more simply though, I look like my Mum and have a lot of the same views and mannerisms as her but I have my Dad's confidence and ability to wind people up, without realising I'm doing it!!

3. If you could take a year-long vacation, what would you do?

I like this question and it's been something I've been thinking about a lot recently. I settled down quite young and didn't do the whole year break thing but after having far to much time to google, I've been thinking about taking three months off with my partner and little girl and having a bit of a whirlwind tour. It wouldn't be for a couple of years and we've talked about doing it as a honeymoon if we ever get married. (I hope I just have the nerve to do it!) I'd start off in Dubai and have a few days there, getting pampered and enjoying the luxury of the man made world (!!) Then move on to South Africa. I'd love to visit there and see the history. I'd then go on to Hong Kong, Thailand, Phillippines, Fiji, Australia, New Zealand..........................................
I'd also like to make the most of low flight costs over to Europe and I've promised myself that over the next year we're going to have a few more weekend trips. I want to go to Monaco - to see how the other half live, Richard wants to go to Amsterdam - after many enjoyable weekend trips with the lads in his singledom and wanting to see the other side (Although I have a feeling it will probably still be an adults only trip!) and Ruby has asked to visit Poland, after making many friends from there and hearing lots of chatter about it. I'll keep you posted on if we get anything ever planned!!!

4. Can you think of a reason not to answer this question?

Can you?

5. What's the nicest thing you've ever done for someone?

You know, I've kind of struggled with this question!! I've never been very good at grand gestures but I think the nicest thing I've ever done is believe in people when they're struggling to believe in themselves. (Is that a crap answer??!!)

After consuming a whole weeks calories in one go, I end up feeling worse off than before!!

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:40:43 GMT

And I did, I bought myself a lemon meringue pie to cheer myself up. I had been out for work until 8.30pm and decided that half the pie could substitute dinner. I feel a bit sick today and the healthy eating regime is out the window!

I bottled it yesterday or maybe that's a bit harsh, I just couldn't find an appropriate time to bring anything up with Richard or his Mum. I've come to the decision that I do need to tell Richard (Thank you for people's advice.) I just need to find a time to talk to his Mum without Ruby being with me, demanding biscuits, attention and so on. Richard was also in a really bad mood yesterday, so instead of the nice cosy night, where we could talk which I had been planning, I stomped up to bed and through stubbornness refused to talk to him for the rest of the evening. I hate the fact I feel guilty about knowing this and to be honest I'm a bit pissed at his Mum for telling me. Oh well, once I get it all sorted out I'll let you know.

After Ruby's initial excitement of her first day back to school, today the fun side of it had worn off. Their work was all set up when they arrived and she freaked out that she wouldn't be able to do it right. I'm not very good at pandering to her and sometimes I think I'm a bit too hard but I explained this morning that the point of school was to learn how to do something and practice, not to be tested. (Well not yet anyway.) I told her we would also do a bit together when she got home so she felt a bit more confident about it. It's not a big deal really but every so often I worry about her self confidence, she's only five for God's sake and it really annoys me how concerned she gets about messing things up. She should be worrying about where the next muddy puddle to splash in is!!

God I'm in a positive frame of mind today!!!

Can you keep a secret?

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 09:26:07 GMT

Ok, so yesterday I popped into Richard's Mum and she came along to the shops with us. I bought some lovely new shelves to put the birds on and also I needed more space for my books so I can put them on there. Anyway we were chatting about Richard's Dad and what an arse he had been over the weekend. I told her how Richard and his brothers have felt like he's hiding something and that he seems to using drink as an escape from everything. She then told me that when she moved back from London to Ireland (About ten years ago.) he had told her that he had just been diagnosed with leukemia and she has never told Richard as at the time she didn't really feel it was appropriate. I really shouldn't be writing this here but I need advice, Richard and I are always really honest about everything but I also don't want to betray her confidence. Really I wish she hadn't told me this and on the other hand I don't know enough about it to know if it's something that he should know and be aware of. URGH, what do I do? we were lying in bed last night and I hated the fact I knew this and really just wanted to blurt it out. (Although I didn't think it was really right to tell him while he was half asleep and still hungover!)

On a much lighter side Ruby has just returned to school after eight weeks and it was nice to see how happy she was to return. It was all quite stressful getting her in, everyone must of decided to take the car this morning so I had to park quite a way from it and I didn't actually know where her new class was. Luckily enough we met her best buddy on the way and they're sitting next to each other which is good. Hopefully having a new teacher should stop us from being the black sheep this year as the two girls had decided one day last year to hide from the teacher in one of the play houses. It ended with the police nearly being called and when asked Ruby told me she thought it was just a bit of fun. Anyway after that myself and the other Mum stopped being given necessary letters etc until the last minute. (Hence the reason we weren't told where the new classroom was and that school dinners have gone up by 50p.) Bless her, I struggled to tell her off at the time. It was pretty funny.

I'm tired and waffling, please feel free to just skim!

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 22:24:29 GMT

So today is the official last day of the marching season in Northern Ireland. This will mean nothing to anyone who doesn't live here but quite a lot to the folk who do. There was a massive parade through the town so Ruby, me and Richard's Mum went along and it was a pretty good day. (If you like bag pipes, flutes, drums........)

I felt pretty organised today. Usually I presume everyone is judging me as a Mother when I'm out as I never have wipes, snacks and so on and so on but I'd brought us all chairs, as it's a real pain if you have to watch four hours of it standing, especcially as I always wear very impractical shoes, and Richard's Mum had made Ruby up a little goodie bag to bring along. I then realised this evening that I have still failed on the organisational stakes of being a mum as since Richard's been away I've fed her starbucks, candy floss, ice cream and a prawn salad for tea.

Here she is below enjoying the candy floss:

As I'm tired and am waffling, I'd thought I'd upload one of the photos of the parade. It doesn't really give you a good idea of how many of them there were, as I couldn't be arsed to stand up and take a photo but if you multiply this picture by another 70+ bands you should get the idea.

Considering the troubles these types of events used to cause in the past it's nice to see the majority of it seems to have turned a corner. Saying that I still managed to cause a bit of a scene. After these parades they have an outdoor speech and a church service. Now I'm not what you would call a religious person but I'm all for supporting whatever brings comfort to people who need it. Anyway the event was organised by Richard's uncle so I thought I'd better at least have my face seen. It all started off really nice but they then had this guy come on ranting about the errors of our ways. I think there was a bit about going to hell if you had commited adultery which I just kind of sat and listened through but then he started going on about how we should support the MP who had chastised all homosexuals. (I've wrote about that in a previous entry, not sure which one...) I couldn't believe what was being said, got up and told the crowd surrounding me that I couldn't go on listening to this bollocks. I then spent the next ten minutes trying to get the chair back into the bloody bag and poor Richard's Mum just folded hers up quietly and followed me back. I was quite pleased when I spoke to Richard and he told me he would of done the same thing.

It really let the day down a bit and it was good to see other people feeling just as uncomfortable as me. But other than that it was a good day and the rest of it was good fun. I reckon this Country still needs to do a lot though to move forward.

So far so good.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 09:13:02 GMT

Yesterday went really well and I was pretty chuffed with my meeting at the college. The lady was really nice and has enrolled me with them, telling me I'll be complete by February, as that is the next date they can finish students. I've got a bit of sucking up at work to do now to ask them if they will pay for it. I've decided as their always banging on about our "professional development." they can put their money where their mouth is. It felt really odd going to college as although I've done quite a lot, I've never actually been to one myself. All my training was done through people I knew as I was teaching at the centres (Even without the proper qualifications, I won't go there.......) She told me about another course I might be interested in, which did sound good but I think I need to prioritise a bit here.

The college is right next to my first job I got over here and I thought I'd pop in as Ruby wanted to go to the summer club they run on Friday. I was really nervous before I went in but I was really pleased I did as nothing had changed since I left. I really miss that place but it just wasn't achievable, to get there and back I had to do a 80 mile drive and financially it just was too expensive. I had to laugh at their new game they have. The office opens up to a balcony allowing you to see down to the road. There's an old guy on one of those electric wheel chairs and apparently everyday he crosses the road on the bend. They all seem to gather to see if today is the day he gets knocked down by the bus. I know this sounds awful but when you're there it's pretty funny (And I'm sure everyone would feel terrible forever if he ever did.) I don't know if I'm ever going to feel 100% happy working from home, as although it sounds great, you can't help but miss the office banter.

I spoke to my Mum last night and she's stressing out still about the issues with her house. I've told her to make a complaint and do a couple of other bits but I do really worry about her. She's the most intelligent person I know but emotionally she can be a bit of a wreck at times. At the moment I think she could do with having me closer. Anyway it's been a good week and I think I did manage to cheer her up.

Working for the weekend.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:35:21 GMT

Yesterday I had a bank holiday but Richard didn't which kind of sucked but I thought I'd put it to good use to catch up. I've got a meeting with the college up in the city tomorrow which I've desperatley been trying to get organised for a year now. Basically when I was living in London I started a course and finished it but my boss forgot to submit it. It's been sitting in my cupboard ever since with me trying to find someone to sign a bit of bloody paper to get it certificated. I'm hoping tomorrow my luck will be in but I didn't realise until yesterday there was quite a bit of organising to do to get it looking anything like it should. I'm hoping by tonight (Late hours presumably) it will be complete and with a bit of sweet talk tomorrow it should all be done. Oh and I also sent off the application form for my second part of my degree. (I don't know if I'm feeling clever or stupid by doing this after yesterday!) By four Ruby had cabin fever setting in so we enjoyed some time in the park before we all set off to watch an event in town. (It was crap by the way, but at least we got out for a bit.)

Today I wasn't looking forward to as in my haste I had offered to help out one of the girls at work and do a "charity information event" in Belfast shopping centre. I don't really understand how you can call my company a charity but hey if the Government see's it that way leave them to it. I might sound pretty arrogant but when I did my training I really didn't see myself handing out literature in shopping centres but I suppose it pays the bills and allows me to spend more time with Ruby which is definetley a good thing. It actually turned out ok as had a good gossip with a couple of the other girls and found out the latest issues with the boss. One of them certainly has it in for her!! I decided to get a sandwich half way through and was dead chuffed when the guy gave it to me for free (It should of cost £4.50 - what a rip off.) as he told me he had been watching me through the morning. I certainly didn't mind his stalking like ways in return for the nice sandwich - me, cheap date, yep! After I'd done my stint I decided to do a bit of shopping and treated myself to lots of cheap, sparkly jewellery. Oh and I got a dress which I think might be a little short but I liked it. I got Ruby a new school bag and pencil case from the disney store, which is over priced and over pink and guess what, she loved it, no real surprise there then!

As you can see the last two days have been pretty hectic but at least I've got a few bits done which needed doing. I suppose I should get back to it.

Not Mrs, not Miss but Ms.

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:50:08 GMT

So after the postman arrived on Saturday morning I went through the usual bills, junk etc and I noticed a letter addressed from the courts. It was my final notice confirming my divorce and telling me I am now free to remarry. (Not that I'm planning that anytime soon.) I expected to feel something, anything, but after being separated for four years and being with Richard for four years it was just nice to have it all finalised. The only thing I do feel about the whole thing is why the hell did I waste so much time and money on the wedding in the first place? (My conclusion is that I was young and ready to settle for companionship, rather than what marriage should be about.)

So one more chapter of my life closed, I suppose it's time to start writing the next one!

Don't judge me.

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 09:06:21 GMT

I've had an ear ache for a few weeks now and instead of ignoring it, I thought I'd get myself a doctor's appointment while it's quiet. I've always suffered from bad ears and had quite a bit of surgery as a kid. Anyway it's nothing too bad and Ruby thinks it's very funny that he's recommended using olive oil as drops for a few days. As I was walking out the door he asked if I smoked, so I put my head down and cut it by half. He went on to give me a prescription for patches and booked me in to see him in three weeks time. What just happened??? I only went in because of a bit of a sore ear! I think it's time to make a decision. (And I'm not sure if it will be the right one......)

My friends left yesterday which left me a bit down. We had a lovely week and it was pretty full on, so I think we're going to try and chill out for a few days now. I've just had a phone call to tell me the land rover is being collected today as well. Should make my drive look a bit tidier but will miss the car! Had a look at the Range rover showrooms yesterday but I think that mistake shouldn't be made twice! Until I got the new car I didn't realise how much money I was wasting on petrol.

Other than that, there isn't much else, think it's time to sort out the next adventure.

Ssssshhhhh.

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 22:59:14 GMT

Everyone's now in bed but I need a little bit of quiet time so have been reading through entries and enjoying the silence. We had a lovely day today as decided to do a bit of googling this morning to find out what was on (Which wasn't flooded!) and booked up to see "Joseph and the technicolour dream coat" at the Opera house. We got there early and had a wander and then got transfixed by the music and colour at the theatre. I loved it and was surprised by it being pretty much child friendly. (Although I have a child I'm not very good at tolerating them.)

When we got back we did a bit of stalking on facebook and I saw one of my ex's on my friends page. Had to have a look and felt a bit weird seeing his life now. He seems to be pretty sucessful now which I'm pleased about but considering we finished because I wasn't sure if he'd ever grow up was quite surreal I suppose.

I think it's late and I usually do my contemplating at night time but I'm in a weird situation with who I thought was my best friend but I'm now not 100% on. Explain - I booked up recently to see my friend in London and it was all planned that I would stay with her over that weekend. I texted her last Thursday as it was her birthday and she told me she was moving to Newcastle in six weeks time. (She used to live there.) I sent a message back saying I guessed she wouldn't be there when I was over in October then and so far I've had no response. I'm not pissed that she's moving but surely some acknowledgement of not being in the same city that weekend to someone who's meant to be a close friend would be good?

I don't know, I need to sleep.......

The animals came in two by two.

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:16:02 GMT

So it's all been pretty hectic here so may as well update from the beginning.

Thursday we took the kids out to one of those indoor adventure play areas - great fun for them but pretty boring for the adults. As I delivered a few things on the way have reclaimed the petrol from work which was quite handy! Friday we were meant to take the kids to see "kung fo panda" at the pictures but we got the times wrong so saw "Space chimps" instead. It was actually quite good and we were the only ones in the cinema. Not really sure why I still felt so uncomfortable when Ruby made any noise, must be inbuilt!

I suppose Saturday was when the fun really started as that was when the weather man decided that NI needed to turn into a swimming pool and in our stupidity we decided to take the kids up to Belfast. On the way there I decided the journey was the scariest one I'd ever done but the journey back was even worse. We first of all tried to go onto the motorway and sat there for twenty minutes with the engine off (I later on found out the motorway was 20 ft under water.) and in my haste I decided a journey over the mountains was the only way to get home. It took over two hours to do a 45 minute route and the roads were no longer roads but just what seemed like big streams with us going straight through the middle. I have to admit I was pretty close to tears quite a few times and if there had been another driver in the car I would of given up. I did seriously think at one point I'd have to give up and get us all a B&B somewhere. So much for August sunshine!!!

The sun did come out for a few hours yesterday and we went out to a national park about a 15 minute drive away. The kids did what kids did best and ran around in the forest, enjoyed flying kites and getting as wet and muddy as they could. It was a great day but we did end up with a bit of a disaster at the end of the day. We got back and opened up the back door to let the dogs out. We only realised later that Ruby's bird must of escaped from the cage and flown out as soon as we opened it up. We've searched everywhere and have had lots of tears but I don't think there is much else we can do. Shouldn't of got the bloody things in the first place and feel quite lousy. When I spoke to my Mum she did her usual thing of making me feel better by being as practical as possible, telling me we had taught Ruby a good life lesson on how things can sometimes go wrong and the circle of life. I have to admit I'm not really feeling it that way and always remember why I struggle to deal with negative emotions when she says things like that!!! My friend has decided the dog ate it as we haven't been able to find it which I wasn't too pleased about and know the dog wouldn't do.

On another note my auntie and uncle have now left England to go and start a new life in America and I can't wait to book up some tickets to go and visit. My cousin has already asked if we want to go out with them soon - bliss.

Maybe I'm a bit dolally.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:32:25 GMT

My impulse buy of two new birds went down very well within the house yesterday. We did used to have two love birds before and if I'm honest it was only towards the end that any love was passed over to them. Without putting the blame on someone I have a feeling the last one died after Richard's Mum got fed up of the wasps, while she was staying here to look after the dogs and used lots of spray around the house - opps! We never brought it up though as it was always one of those silent things that everyone knows but no one brings up.

But anyway they are now here and placed happily next to the computer (Although they're going to have to be moved as can't cope without cigarettes while I'm working!) and I realised yesterday that my neighbours are probably very unhappy with the fact they live next door to such weirdos! The birds didn't seem very happy with their new surroundings so Ruby and I had a bit of a google and spent the majority of the afternoon with you tube videos of bird song. Yep, not my choice of entertainment but it did seem to do the trick. I had to turn it off though when Ruby found what she thought was hilarious videos of children presenters on a drinking binge. I suppose thats why they tell you you should monitor your child's usage on the computer!! Oh and they now have names, Ruby named hers Rosie (Where that name has come from I have no idea.) and Richard has named his one Hercules. (Not really seeing the resemblance but anyway.) The dogs have taken to having them around well, Missy has only tried to eat them twice so far and Molly, our little dog, has decided they are her new best friends, trying to open the cage for them and lick their feathers as frequently as possible. Think this may take a while to settle down.

My friend and her little boy are arriving tonight and I am pretty excited. They're here for a week so I'm sure it will all be pretty manic over the next few days. Just need to get this house in order and maybe pop down to the supermarket to get a few bottles in. Sounds good.

Strangers at home.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:33:44 GMT

This morning Ruby and I took Richard's mum into work as she had promised to get Ruby her new school shoes. (She works in the shoe shop.) So we dropped her off and grabbed a bite to eat while she sorted herself out. Ruby enjoyed a prawn sandwich, not my first choice at 9.00am, and I enjoyed a very stong coffee. It was nice to take a bit of a wander around the shops and I decided that it was important to make the most of an early start and some free time. The rain is pretty lousy at the moment and I've given up on actively looking for an umbrella, so got pretty soaked. Ruby got her new shoes which have a compartment for two little toys in the bottom, so you can see them part of the sole is see through and there is a lift inside the shoe which opens up. Apparently these shoes are this terms must have and I'm sure the teachers are going to be dead chuffed. Anyone ever heard the phrase "they didn't do things like that in my day"? Well I had to physically hold myself back from saying it.

Anyway onto the exciting part. On any visit into town we always end up in the pet shop and usually Ruby has to restrain me from doing anything stupid. Well today we made two visits, one to look and then one back again to buy and we are now proud owners of two budgies. My little white lie of the day is that Ruby wanted to get them for Richard as a birthday present, which he was quite happy about. Although he has just emailed me to find out if they are reserved to collect for next week, oh dear.

Weekend excitement.

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:03:17 GMT

Haven't managed to log on over last few days as everything has been pretty manic. As usual the weekend with family is spent centred around food and Mum and her partner took us out to a really nice chinese in town and I'm still feeling pretty full up! The waitresses did seem to have a bit of a memory loss problem but eventually we got everything we asked for and enjoyed the evening together.

The day was spent at the W5 centre (A bit like the science museum but on a smaller scale) and we pressed lots of buttons and got a bit obsessed with the gadgets meant for the kids! It was then farewell and good bye last night and it is always a bit sad when they go because of the distance between us now that I've moved. Ruby was not impressed that they were off but was very pleased when Richard carted nearly every toy down from upstairs. I sersiously didn't realise we had quite so much.

I spent this morning out for work and I really am starting to hate this job. The morning was nice but the amount of emails on my return demanding everything and anything drives me bloody mad. I just have to stick it out a bit longer and at least I can feel happy in the knowledge that everyone at the company seems to feel a bit like this at the moment. It's just horrible to start counting down to the weekend at 9.00am on a monday morning!

While out today I was on a bit of a mission to find an umbrella after leaving mine at the pub recently. I like the big golf umbrellas as they don't blow inside out so often as the small ones. I was very cross to find out I couldn't find one for less than £25.00 It's not gonna happen, my mission tomorrow is to find one for a tenner. (Living the high life me!!)

Creature comforts.

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 08:35:56 GMT

Well Ruby's back and it's been great. She was really pleased to be home and the dog's are most excited of having their friend back who secretly passes bits of dinner under the table and lets them sleep at the end of the bed. (With Ruby not here there was no excuse but to treat them like the animals that they are!!) Given up on keeping the house tidy again and now have the house decorated with pink material crap everywhere but hey, it's all fun.

It's been good to have Mum here too and catch up properly and of course hear all the gossip from the last family party. Bit of black mail and immigration this month, lets see what next month brings to the tribe! Her partner arrives over for the weekend this afternoon so think we're going to make the most of it and get out and about a bit. Didn't do any work yesterday but the way I see it surely that's one of the perks of working from home?

There taking us out to dinner tomorrow night for Richard's belated birthday and Ruby and I have plans to make some sort of chocolate cake this afternoon (Not sure whose recipe to use yet) so have a feeling the kitchen is the next place to be destroyed! - and probably my waistline!!

Can't believe we are having to put the heating on yesterday, the house is bloody freezing. We also had to fill our oil tank which cost a small fortune. Hate not having gas anymore. The delivery guy I have a feeling is the local whore - trying his best to make me feel special and made far too many advances in my personal space!! Next time he comes I think I'm going to leave it to Richard!!